Reflections

Echo. The sounds you hear at times in dark hollow area when the sound waves are reflected back off of objects. Listen to the sounds it’s like hearing her voice. We sounded similar and talked alike. To hear the calming sound of her voice once more. As I listen to the echo do others no where my mind goes. That distant place during a time I shared with her.

Moments will always last that can never be taken away. Little Kayden giggled as we listened to the echo. Oh Emily that was something I enjoyed about you. I remember the moment when you were young and we would get so excited to hear the echoes of our voices. Funny words we would make up. Keep your fun Emily with us in spirit. Show us signs that you are near.

Thank you Emily for the days that you shared with me. Thank you for being you.

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Look inside

Life happens and we see each and everyone around us. But do we really see. Do we truly see what is inside someone. Do we know the truth.

See each person for who they are. Know that each person has a story, has a life and needs to be liked.

We are human. We need to live life. Share happiness and smile. Look inside and see who we truly are.

Life does exist

Getting back to what I once did. Finding the things that always made me happy. Finding life once again. Within my heart that pain will always exist. The moments of her life will be confined within my mind and cherished until my end.

I’m starting here. I’m starting my life once again. Looking to see everything that once made me smile. Remembering the good within the world and that it will always exist.

Tormenting my heart of the love that I lost when my Emily left the world.

I’m finding new meaning, New love and making a new life so that I can breathe once again. I will tell myself that with love sorrow does follow and in my life I know that all to well.

Moving on

Is it time to move on and let the past be the past.

No we can’t do that because grief is forever. Grief becomes a part of you. Without grief there would be no love and without love there would be no grief. The two are connected hand in hand.

The brief moment when you think you are doing better you realize all over again. That grief is part of you and here to stay.

Rise from the ashes and pursue your passion.

Live your passion.

Love life

Roads traveled

Sometimes you go down a road only to find a dead end. We are lost and unsure of our path. Do we turn back or do we look for a way to make that dead end road open up.

I’m at a standstill. I’m without thought and I’m now idol. Why has life taken me down this path. What is the point?

I want that happiness. I want that freedom to let my smile put curiousity into the world of nonbelievers that this world isn’t a happy place.

Put the sparkle back into my life.

Put the thoughts into others as to what one is thinking

I’m okay

I’m okay. These words are said by many but are we okay. Okay for me means I’m here and making life work. I still haven’t found my balance or meaning. I’m lost and some days I feel like I’m spiralling out of control.

I feel like I’ve lost my mind from what it once was. I had love and joy and wouldn’t skip a beat. Today I look forward to tomorrow and finding better days.

I told the world one day I would find my way. My vision for life would hopefully be clearer and I can see the sunshine through these dark clouds.

It hurts to watch my family struggle with this pain and I would do anything to make them better.

I feel like I’m about to lose my mind without you Emily. Show me your near-term give me a sign. I miss you so much. I hold my tears within my heart. I miss your hugs.

Life has questions but no answers.

There aren’t days that I don’t think about you. The thought of you growing and becoming an adult, The thought of you getting married one day and planning a magnificent wedding with all the bells and whistles. The thought of watching a movie together and cuddling up on the couch. The thought of reaching for the phone to just have a chat or tell you something exciting.

The days are gone and there are just mere moments left within my head. I try to dismiss those thoughts and urges.

I wonder what kind of person she would be or how beautiful she would be.

I wonder

I wonder and I know.

The time has past me and she is gone for good.

I couldn’t fix those things that caused her brain to make these harsh decisions that would end her life.

The pictures I have of her are all I’ll ever have. No more holidays or birthdays. No more giggles on the couch as we reminisce some really crazy things we have done.

Did I ever think I would be here?

Did I ever think she would end her life?

Did I entrust my faith I’m God that he would heal her and not give me anything I couldn’t handle.

I have been challenged to the fullest extent of life. I sigh with each living breath thinking, wondering and trying to fully gather my thoughts.

Did I deserve this?

Did I need to experience this in life?

Did I do something wrong to get me here?

There are many people in this world that will change to make this never happen and there are others that life will pass them by and thier children will grow and they are not existent and don’t want to be a part of thier life.

I would walk a million miles to have all the answers, I would do anything to make life better.

I’m thankful for what I have but I want more and I want her back.

Thinking

My mind will never stop thinking of you. There are moments when I want to pick up the phone and call you. I watch the children play softball and remember the days of you playing and me coaching. Oh how I would give any thing to change time.

Thank you for being you. With every imperfection you might have had all I saw was your greatness. Your smile was Perfect z and in my eyes you were perfect. Time was all I needed to help you heal from this horrific illness you had.

Love YOU baby girl

Breathe

Breathe i tell myself. Everything is going to be all right. The days seem easier but the memories still exist. I walk through living as if she didn’t exist. It helps me survive. It helps me stay alive. Because the pain of her loss is one I find hard to bare. I wish the pain was never there.

Become emotionless I tell myself. Don’t think just live. I want to go back in time.

Mothers day is approaching and yet another day to remind me she’s not here. The years will pass.

The days will last.

The tears will flow and the memories will never fade.

Love you Emily. I wish you were here today.

Simple life

I live for you my princess Emily. My days start with you on my mind. My heart aches with you gone from my life. So I take each moment and live for tomorrow. I look to wake up and enjoy the fresh air and listen to the sounds heard from the streets know that you will not be part of my tomorrow.

I’ve accepted that my life is changes and tomorrow will never be the same. The years will come and go and the tears will always be there. Without loving life, one would not have loved. My love for you as my baby girl is unexplainable.

Tomorrow is here.

Tomorrow is another day.

Tomorrow is a word that we say freely.

Live for today because tomorrow may never come.