I’m lost but I will find the light. I will find tomorrow and I will find a reason to survive. What umm thinking and feeling is perfectly normal and death is one thing but death by suicide is more detrimental to a family than one can imagine.
I’m picking up the pieces and putting my life together. Not taking about it is normal and my coping mechanism. I’ve learned in life how to survive. Being busy keeps me from dwelling. I’ve been sharing and talking but I’m learning to retreat into me.
Writing will be my life emotional outlet and there I’ll talk. There I’ll share to myself the moments that are stuck in my head. No one and I mean no one can even grasp the feelings that I have unless they have walked in my path.
The horror of the day will forever be with me. The triggers are there but I’m slowly learning them and trying to make them part of my life. They won’t ever go away as many that have walked my path have not seen what I’ve seen. My days will be long because my mind betrays me and guides me astray. But power within me will eventually learn to conquer all.
Breathe is a word I tell myself everyday. Tomorrow is a new day. The sun did come up and I get to feel it upon my face.
Yes Emily will never see that again.
Yes as a parent I will always feel like I failed.
Yes life is hard and we carry with us through our days emotional baggage and a huge bucket of tears. Years cannot change that. Time cannot take take it away.
Saving Emily 