I take a deep breath. One foot forward is what I tell myself. I can do it. But do I want to do it. I’m looking for meaning. I’m trying to find my new norm. What is it? What keeps me moving forward. The voices in my head tell me you have to see that everything is going to be alright. Don’t worry about a thing is what I keep telling myself. This is my message to share with all.
Look out to the sunrise in the distance. I Feel her presence as if she was near. Looking for comfort of her life that was once so near. Days pass by, moments escape us, memories become faint, the sound of her voice does not echo everywhere, the lub dub of her heartbeat does not exist. Years until I see her again. Tears now gently roll down my cheek. The void is large. The wound weeps from the deep sorrow within as I mourn for her to be near.
Pause! What is that I hear? A memory flashed into my head. I hear her voice. It’s Christmas morning. She is waking me up so she can see what Santa brought. Oh the innocence that was then. Bring it back so I can hold her again.
Today I want to just sit and cry. The days that have passed make missing her that much more. The numbing reality is setting in to my life.
If I cry today it’s that I’m sad but I do have joy also and I will never lose that. This is a process and the pieces all need to be put in place.